From A Distance
by alyrical-rain
Summary: Single mother Bree finds herself swept into the Winchesters good vs evil world & finds herself having to choose between Sam or Castiel.
1. 1

**A/N: This is my very first attempt at writing, so any constructive criticism is more than welcome. The only characters I own are the ones I've added, the main one being Bree - can't say more without giving away some of the ending. This story starts out in the present day and does bounce back and forth a little, I have cut that back so its not as confusing as my original draft was. **

**I do know my greatest weakness as a writer is the whole descriptive bits that make a story pop out + be "visualized" better. I do hope that once I'm finished with the story in general to maybe go back + give that a fixer-upper - we shall see. In the meantime I hope you enjoy + if I make any drastic changes I will be sure to let you know. Thanks for reading + hope to get a review whether good, bad or so-so :] **

"You know you are going to have to choose one eventually Bree."

I sat absently tracing random patterns into the sand in front of me, thinking over what my best friend Jess had said. It wasn't the first time she'd said this either, nor was it the first time I'd stormed off all pissy over it. Apparently she saw something I didn't. Or maybe just didn't want to admit to myself. I took a deep breath as the waves crept up over my bare toes. Jess was right though. I would have to make a choice. Somehow I'd found my way into the middle of a Twilight-like love triangle. Seemed fitting enough considering I could pass for Miss Bella Swans double. Casting call for ordinary brunettes! I would have fit right into the sea of ever hopeful Swans. Hell I even have the whole socially awkward shtick in the bag, no acting needed there! Although if they were looking for boyish hips and less in the boobage department they'd have kicked me before I even opened my mouth.

One problem with the whole Twilight comparison is that everyone knew who Bella would end up with. Talk about your complete no-brainer! While my current situation is possibly as complicated as hers there is no certainty of anything. Sure there is the similarity that neither guy is human. One is an angel.

_Seriously._

His names Castiel, in case you were wondering.

And then there's Sam who may not be as human as he appears. He has demon blood in him. His brother Dean, Cas, Bobby and the rest of us are still wondering what's to come of that little tidbit however.

And Sam... well he's become my very close friend over the past few months. You could blame it on the amount of time we've spent together, or that he's sweet and kind and been a great shoulder for me to cry on. Seeing as how now that Lucifer is back in his little rat cage Cas is on what we refer to as "heaven patrol". So now that things here on planet Earth aren't in the uproar they were he's not really around.

In Bella's world Cas would be my Edward, and Sam my Jacob. At least that's how Jess likes to think of it.

_Too bad that doesn't uncomplicate anything whatsoever...  
_  
Yes, Angels and Demons exist, you'll have time to wrap your heads around that in a minute. I know its a helluva lot to swallow, I've had eight months to soak it all in so don't be too hard on yourselves.

One year ago I didn't know either of them. In fact I would have gone about life without knowledge about hunters and all the kinds of monsters they hunt if it weren't for what happened six months ago.

May 19, 2009. That's the day my life was forever changed, even then I didn't know how much change was still in store for me.

That's also the day they saved my life...


	2. 2

Eight months earlier...

My family had always been a complexity of dysfunction. Being adopted I suspect was only partly to blame. Actually the only family member I was still on speaking terms with was my brother. No matter our own irreconcilable differences I wasn't going to allow that to keep Kat, my daughter, from knowing her extended family. So long as they didn't corrupt her and kept their own not so pleasant opinions of me from being repeated in front of her. Kat was only five and I hoped I was doing the right thing by her.

There had been many a time I wondered if my so called family was just plain evil, or possibly even possessed. I mean they had set about to destroy me bit by bit, leaving Kat as the only good thing I had left in my life. But I chided myself knowing possession was just a thing of myths and could be no more real than the boogeyman I once thought hid under my bed as a child.

Pulling into my parents driveway my thoughts came back to the present.

*beep beeeeep*

I tapped on the horn impatiently, silently cursing my ex for being a coward and forcing me to have to deal with them at all. This was his job after all, being the go-between with our daughter and the family inside this house. After all I wasn't allowed to enter.

Shaking my head I laughed coldly remembering just why that was.

I'd been on the operating table fighting for my life while my sister had taken her second walk down the aisle. I'd missed it.. hence me being exiled from the herd. Never mind the fact the odds were stacked against me and my own family hadn't even been there.

I flipped through the radio stations for what seemed like forever not finding anything resembling something I could stand listening to. Punching the radio off I looked up fully expecting to see her blonde curls bouncing as she skipped towards the car. No such luck.

_Lovely. Just fucking lovely.  
_  
The thought of having to retrieve my daughter and face them dimmed the happiness I'd felt just moments before. They never failed to bring out the worst in me and my mood. Seeing them, thinking about them, talking about them... I was instantly transformed into this person, this cranky bitch, even I didn't recognize.

As I braced myself for the encounter to come I recited the weekend chant I'd come up with since this duty now fell to me. Eleven months ago Todd had just vanished into thin air and I despised him for abandoning his daughter.

"Damn you Todd." I muttered opening the car door.

_Get in.  
Get out.  
Don't let them get to you..._

Repeating this mantra I neared the two story Victorian and raised my fist to knock. The door stood slightly ajar and I let myself in.

"Kat?"

Peering around the empty kitchen I noticed the silence that fell through the house. No noises from the television in the front room, no voices mumbled from any of the distant rooms.

"Kitkat c'mon its time to go home kiddo..."

Crossing to the threshold that separated the kitchen from the dining room there was a feeling of wrongness about the silence that settled in my stomach like a load of bricks. Old hardwood flooring creaked beneath my feet as I peered into my parents bedroom. A sigh of relief passed my lips as I saw her curled up on the bed, hair fanned out behind her glistening in the sunlight that passed through the window. Gently squeezing her shoulder her limp body rolled onto its back and just as a scream began pouring from the depths of my soul one hand clasped over my mouth. Another wrapped tightly around my waist pulling me back into a chest that felt like it was made of granite.

"I'm not going to hurt you." a strangers voice whispered, his breath warm against my cheek.  
"I'm going to remove my hand, but you must be quiet or they'll get you next. Understand?"

I nodded. My eyes glued to my daughters body. Green eyes that had once sparkled with such energy now dimmed. And her body... well it looked as though it would turn to dust and blow away at the slightest breeze. The hands around me loosened and I collapsed at the side of the bed unable to speak.

I didn't care who THEY were or if they got me or not.

"We don't have much time to explain," the mans voice continued behind me in a hushed tone.

_We?_

Tearing my gaze from the bed I turned to find out who WE was. Three men I'd never seen before in my life now stood in my parents bedroom. One wore a tan colored trench coat with what looked to be a suit underneath. Another stood to the left of the doorway slightly taller than the first, leather jacket, jeans and boots were all I could make out from the shadows. The last man, the tallest, glanced back at me from the opposite side of the doorway as leatherjacket.

_Who the hell are these guys?  
What are they doing here?  
How do I know they didn't kill my daughter?_

Questions flew through my head at the speed of lightening.

Leatherjacket turned around his eyes locked on mine. "No time for the whole truth is out there speech, sorry Miss." I knew from his voice he wasn't the one who had grabbed me.

_So which one was?_

Rage consumed me.

I had questions and whether they liked it or not I would get answers!

"Its Bree," my mouth dry but I'd found my voice again. "And I don't give a shit what you do or don't have time for!" I spewed at him before I started the firing squad of questions I had at him.

"Whoooa! Easy there tiger," leatherjacket said with a smirk in tall guys direction. "Gotta love that spirit eh Sam?"

"I apologize for my brother. Dean..." Sam glared at his brother.

_Tall guys name is Sam...  
Leatherjacket is Dean, and he's Sam's brother... Check._  
_  
Still not the voice though. That only leaves trench coat 'n suit guy.  
_  
"Enough you two." said trench coat.

_Aha! My logical deduction is still in working order. I'm thinking about logic? Whatthehell is wrong with me? Can't be a dream... wish it was, but its not.  
Focus Bree!_

Lost in my inner dialogue for a moment I didn't see the brothers head off to search the house.

"Care to catch me up to speed there trench coat?"

The shortest guy of the trio stared at me dumbfounded a moment. "Oh," he said as though suddenly realizing what he was wearing.

_Great, all hell had broken loose in here and I got stuck with the three stooges.  
_  
"Your daughter was a casualty in the Apocalyptic war. And its Castiel. Not trench coat."

I wanted to laugh at such a preposterous idea. Instead I continued to listen mesmerized as he went on about some Lillith chick, seals being broken, the four horsemen...

"Dude what are you, some whacked out escapee from an asylum?"

His eyebrows scrunched his face flat of emotion. "I'm an angel."

_Riiiight. And I'm the Queen of England.  
_  
Slowly I inched my way back to the doorway. It was obvious this man was suffering from some sort of mental instability. Or maybe my own grip on sanity had finally snapped. I ran from the room toppling over a recliner and reached for the phone. A cackling laugh erupted in the room sending chills through my entire body. I turned and there was my sister, lounged across the leather sofa. A look of pure ecstasy radiated from her face.

"Now you have nothing!" she shrieked, reaching a decibel that would have sent a pack of dogs running. Her smile turned into a sneer in the blink of an eye. That was when her words finally sunk in and a raging inferno of hatred coursed through my veins.

"I want my mommy! Mommy help me.. please mommy!" My daughters terrified voice came from the mouth of this thing! Before I realized what I was doing I pounced, my fingers clawing at her throat.

"You bitch!" I spat out angrily my hands clenching tighter around her throat. Just as the tears overtook my strength a jolt from her body sent me reeling backwards. I looked up just in time to see this huge black snake of smoke come whirling out of her mouth and then it was gone. Numbly I got back on my feet and stared blinking in bewilderment.

No doubt about it I'd finally lost my mind and I was crumbling in ways that outdid even Humpty-Dumpty. There would be no putting me back together.

_This was what it was like being delusional. Huh... _

Even in my wildest imagination I'd never dreamt up something this outlandish. Even crazier was how vivid and real it all seemed.

Just as I was coming to grips with my sinking mental state Castiel pushed me to the floor as my father charged and in a move so quick threw Cas across the house. I could hear the crack of his skull against something in the kitchen as Sam and Dean hurried to his aid. I hobbled in their direction just in time to see another black gust of smoke exit the house. Sam hunched over Cas shaking his head as the pool of blood seeping from the gash in his head oozed its way around Sam's shoe.

_That should have been me... _

_My father... make that my possessed father had been coming after me. Crazy or not that man had saved me and in turn his life was ebbing away in front of our eyes. I wish it had been me. With Kat gone I had no reason to go on.  
_  
Despair and grief hitting like a ton of bricks I wished he hadn't done that. That was the last thought I had before darkness enveloped me. I embraced it gladly, hoping for sweet release and the end.


	3. 3

A blood curling scream roared through the cabin and I bolted upright in bed. The knocking of my heart threatening to escape my chest told me it was my own scream that had woken me. Glancing across the hall at Bobby sitting at his desk confirmed that much.

"Another dream?" he asked concern shown heavy on his face.

"Thank you Captain Obvious."

His sigh told me he'd heard despite the low tone of my voice. Of course he had. He didn't have a hammering heart thundering away in his eardrums.

Expecting some kind of wise retort he remained quiet. He didn't deserve my attitude. It wasn't like any of this was his fault. At the very least I deserved a good tongue lashing. Even at my worst all I'd gotten from him was "Idjit". If I'd had it in me at the time I would have cracked a smile, seeing as how I'd often used that word myself. Not that it took much to endear the surrogate father figure to the brothers to me, but that definitely topped the list of reasons I'd grown fond of him.

He'd taken me under his protective wing after the bloodbath back home. It wasn't hard to understand why. Not long before he'd been stuck in a wheelchair and had himself struggled with finding a reason to continue living. The boys weren't used to having an outsider in the group, but they weren't about to question the older mans judgement. So after finding a place far away from anybody else we'd settled here. Not that I knew where here was, just far enough from civilization so my nightly screams didn't justify cause for someone to come check things out.

The sound of gravel under tires and the steady rumble that could only be the Impala sounded as the brothers neared our current little niche in the world. Food run no doubt. Just what I needed. Another greasy burger from some local dive. Extra side of grease please! My stomach turned at the mere thought of ingesting anything. Food was Deans thing, in fact I think the only time he wasn't eating or drinking one thing or another was when he was asleep.

_Bet even then he was dreaming about it...  
_  
Heavy footfalls sounded as they made their way inside. Dean paused in the doorway only long enough to toss a brown grease stained paper bag at the foot of the bed.

"Eat up. Looks like you could use it." he said before passing out of my line of sight.

_Yay cholesterol burger delight! _

Bile slowly rose up the back of my throat as the smell hit me. I bit my inner cheek to keep from hurling. Staring the evil bag down I tried wishing it into the nearest trash can. Too bad I didn't hold such powers.

"You're going to have to eat sometime." Sam said suddenly at my bedside.

"Mmm," I managed finally winning the battle against the acidic contents of my stomach. "Make it something actually edible and not leftovers from the bottom of a fryer vat and I'll see what I can do."

He awarded me with a crooked smile at my dry attempt at humor before kindly removing the offensive bag from my room.

Despite my still heavy heart that same smile had managed to crack away my defenses.

_You're killing me here Sam..._

After four days of keeping myself cooped up in my musky smelling room I decided it was time to take a stab at acting human again. After showering, throwing on an old pair of jeans and tank I took my first steps outside.

I didn't notice the looks on the guys faces as I passed them. Or Bobby telling them he knew I'd be okay, that I was a tough one. By the time the brothers started bickering over who was going to come talk to me I was at the waters edge and out of hearing range. Thankfully for me Bobby made the call that Sam was the better choice.

In four days I'd mastered locking that day up tighter than Pandora's box so I didn't feel anything at all.

_Unless nothing was a feeling..._

Now as the fresh air filled my lungs I prayed for the waves to take this gut-wrenching pain from my soul. Seriously contemplated just walking into the water and keep going, let it carry me away. That however just wasn't me. As I thought over the past few days, coming to terms with a whole new reality I realized at some point Sam had joined me. The beach sand warm on my feet, the waves having this lulling effect.

"Dean went to pick Cas up from the hospital."

"Why is it that an angel needs a doctor? I mean can't he just oh I don't know... shazam himself better?" I'd been pondering that a lot lately.

He shook his head and laughed. "Well normally yeah. But right now he's just an angel in a human vessel without any of the heavenly perks."

"So in other words he's basically human."

"I guess so," he shrugged, "he can't just magically appear and disappear anymore, he sleeps and eats... and he's not the unemotional robot he is with his powers."

_Interesting..._

We continued talking until dark. He filled me in on how they'd become hunters. How they'd lost their mother when they were just kids and their Dad had been hunting down old Yellow Eyes ever since... up until he traded his life for Deans. How the same demon had taken his fiancée a few years ago, Deans trip to hell for trading his soul for his own life when he'd died. The ins and outs of some of the monsters they'd chased and killed. Friends and fellow hunters lost over the years. And lastly how they were told that Dean was Michael's vessel and he was Lucifer's in the end battle that was nearing.

I'd lost my own mother as a child and knew the pain from that, but to be burdened with the rest of it... I really didn't know how either of them did it. I guess at least they had each other.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled groggily as I lay my head against his chest.

He wrapped his arm around my back and held me close. "Me too."

His heartbeat strong and steady in my ear. I could have fell asleep like that. Maybe it'd keep the dreams at bay.

"Getting late you two." Dean said startling the both of us. "Cas wants to see you Bree."

"It can wait 'til morning." I groaned. I was still furious with Castiel.

Sam and I walked back inside. At the door to my room he awkwardly shifted his weight from foot to foot. Deans eyebrows shot up as I took Sam's hand and led him into my room before firmly shutting the door behind us.

_Let 'em think what they want. I just don't want to be alone tonight..._

The next morning I was up before the sun and could feel a change starting within myself. After a quick shower and pulling my hair back I washed my hands in the kitchen sink and started scrounging through the cupboards and fridge. My guess was it'd been quite some time since any of the guys had eaten a home cooked meal, luckily for them cooking was my forte. I set the coffee-maker so it would be done at just about the same time I'd put the final touches on breakfast.

I'd just started on the french toast when Bobby moseyed into the kitchen.

"Sorry if I woke you."

"No worries darling, always been an early riser. Need a hand?"

I smiled at his polite offer.

"Got it covered, but thanks."

He winked at me before grabbing the morning paper and taking a seat in the dining room. Some might assume the older man had just flirted with me. I knew it simply meant he was happy to see I was on the road to recovery.

"No dreams last night huh?" he asked putting the paper down for a second. It'd been the first night I'd went without screaming. Perhaps Sam had been a dreamcatcher of sorts last night. Briefly I imagined that would be my only reprieve from the terrible dreams, but I wasn't going to let that thought manifest itself into a foul mood.

"Nope."

I wondered what he thought about Sam and I last night. Thinking he knew me well enough to know the truth, either way I didn't want him to see me in a bad light. In comparison to Dean my actions last night were nothing, but still...

In the frenzy of whipping up a feast of a meal it was a wonder I could make out just when each man had joined Bobby at the table. French toast, sausage, bacon, ham, eggs made everyway you could make them just in case, strawberries, grapes, three different types of melon and wa-lah! I had timed it perfectly as the coffee finished.

"Smells good." Dean mumbled waking up at the sight of food.

"Thanks." I said beaming a smile at the table of men who all looked shocked.

The real test wasn't how well food smelled, but how it tasted. I knew I was a good cook.

_Make that a fantastic cook! Not that I let it go to my head or anything. Just the Gods honest truth there y'all!_

Passing Sam before taking a seat between the brothers I kissed the side of his forehead. "Thanks for last night."

Dean did a double take his jaw nearly hitting the table, and it wasn't because of the mountain of food before him for a change. Sam's cheeks turned a rosy hue and Bobby chuckled while Castiel just looked from face to face for some explanation.

_Today was going to be a great day..._

I'd managed to avoid conversation of any kind with Cas over the next few days. Although my mood had improved I still wasn't ready to have that talk just yet. I wouldn't say I hated him, but as close as a person could get to hating another without actually hating them.

_If that made any sense..._

Sam had made up his mind to say yes to Lucifer. To be his vessel in the showdown of all showdowns. While Bobby and Cas saw no other alternative Dean was far from onboard with the idea. Not that I could blame him. I mean after all he had sold his soul to bring Sam back to life and spent some time down in the pit. Dean toiled away trying to find a way to outsmart Satan himself, while the other two just rambled about hopelessly.

I preferred the company of the beach over the dread and doom that hung heavy inside the rustic little cabin. Standing at the waters edge I felt the sand squish up in between my toes. That always had the tendency to make me feel like a kid again.

"You've been avoiding me."

_Gee ya think?_

I bit my tongue from the sarcasm that days before I would have unleashed upon him without pause.

Angel powers or not Cas was still one helluva quiet guy and had snuck up on me. The angel part of him that always seemed to be so stiff had started fading away and as the days passed the more he seemed human.

Taking a seat on the top of the old picnic table I stared at his profile. Drinking in his blue eyes as they sparkled in the sun, his face as if chiseled from marble. I'd never noticed his good looks before. They were more subtle than the brothers, but that didn't mean he didn't outshine them in every way imaginable.

"I was angry." I said pausing a moment to clear my head.

Hadn't realized I'd been holding my breath during the whole once over 'til he'd turned around to face me. I'd been too busy dodging him at every turn to notice how truly breathtakingly beautiful he was.

"You hate me." he said matter-of-factly.

"No..." I answered laughing lightly. "I thought I almost did. Hates such a waste of energy."

I just needed someone to direct all the anger I was feeling on. Blue eyes read my face, as if searching for the truth and sincerity behind my words. Finding it he turned his gaze oceanward.

A fluttering started somewhere in my stomach at this brief exchange. My feelings for this man-angel had nearly switched ends of the hate-love spectrum. This was _not_ the time to go all gaga.

_Good grief! I was feeling like a teenage girl with her first crush._

_Talk about your complete three-sixty... _

"Now I guess I'm just confused." sighing I tore my gaze away from his backside.

"About what?"

Shaking my head I tried to find the proper words to convey the havoc inside me.

"Why you'd risk your life for me. Why you'd save me when the worlds going to end soon anyway..." I had so many more questions but the answers to those two alone would cover all the bases. Hopefully my soul would find solace in how he'd respond.

Staring at the ground at his feet he contemplated what to say. Kneeling down he picked up a few small rocks and tossed them into the water. Both watching them skip across the waters surface in silence apart from the oceans incessant hum.

"Jimmy, my vessel... his wife and daughter were murdered almost a year ago. A rogue angel killed them trying to flush me out, hoping to kill me as well."

Grief etched across his face he hesitated. Clearing his throat he continued.

"Whether or not the end is near matters not. It wasn't your time. Everyone's name in The Book is dated. It was my duty to save you."

His answers had just given me more questions. When he left his vessel, would Jimmy be alive? If so would he remember any of this, or would Cas just sprinkle some magic dust on him and poor Jimmy would be thrown back into the world none the wiser? I knew what he meant by The Book. I'd grown up in a church-going family, and although I was a far cry from a good example I considered myself a Christian. Sure, I was shocked to hear my name was actually in it... but how did checking out ahead of schedule make any difference to anyone, let alone the big guy upstairs?


	4. 4

Present Day...

"How are you doing, truthfully?" Desi asked from the back porch steps.

I shrugged. "Better than yesterday..." making it more of a question than a statement.

Desi was part of the new life I'd started. Was more a helpful suggestion from Bobby than something I'd come up with on my own. I needed a clean slate, new scenery. Taking his advice I'd got in my car and hadn't stopped until the tank was running on fumes. Just south of Wilmington, North Carolina was where I now called home.

Desi and Jess were roommates from across the street and the first people to pop in and welcome me to the neighborhood. I still hadn't figured out how they could live together, they were as different as night from day. Jess was the carefree go-getter who spoke without thinking and as much as I hated stereotypes upon first sight I'd assumed she'd recently moved from California. Bleach blonde hair, caramel skin and bright baby blues. She never had a problem getting a guys attention, but most quickly moved on when they realized she wasn't quite as ditzy as they'd hoped.

It didn't help matters any that she worked as a lifeguard. But she enjoyed it and didn't have time for much else while finishing her degree in social work.

Society would look at Desi as plus-size, although in my books zero most definitely wasn't a size. She hated her freckles, but that was pretty much the trademark of most redheads. To look at her I suppose others would think she was a librarian. Her glasses and the overly conservative way she dressed pretty much screamed that she had to be. She wasn't . Desi had worked at the clinic in Wilmington as a therapist. We called her the brains of our little clan, when we weren't calling her doc.

She had a tendency to analyze us, even if we hadn't asked.

I found myself falling somewhere in between them. While Desi had the brains, Jess the looks, I imagined the only thing I really had was street smarts. I knew that things much worse than the boogeyman existed out there somewhere. That was the only part about me my new friends didn't know.

_And that part they never would...  
_  
Thanks to a good word from Bobby a friend of his had hired me as head chef at Carly's. Not that I was hurting for money mind you. Being the only surviving family member I ended up inheriting enough money to see my dream come true. I'd opened up a combination rec center and soup kitchen, as well as having a 25 unit complex for those either in crisis or just down on their luck. Even had two private offices for my friends. Desi was thankful to be her own boss for a change, and Jess was just happy to know that in a few weeks with her degree complete she already had a job waiting.

Lady Antebellums "Need You Now" rang from the cell at my side. Desi watched me over her cup of tea to see if I'd answer. I didn't have to look and she needn't ask who was calling. That was Sam's ringtone alone. Red's "Never be the same" was Cas's. Not that he called everyday like Sam. Hadn't heard from Cas in over a month.

I stared off into the backyard as the porch swing swayed noiselessly underneath me.

_Wait for it..._

Ticking off the seconds as they passed I knew Desi couldn't resist the urge.

_One fifty-six.. one fifty-seven...  
_  
"You need to make a list..."

_Wow, almost two minutes. Had to be her record!_

"Good old pros versus cons. Not that I would need one if I were you. Not too hard to choose between someone who shows he cares over someone who barely even speaks to you."

_Maybe if he wasn't upstairs with the rest of the winged guards he would...  
_  
"It's not that simple Des." Times like this I wish my friends knew the truth about them. Oh they'd met them both, but by all appearances they seemed like ordinary people.

Minus the fact that now Castiel had his Angel mojo back he'd gone back to being this unemotional soldier.

I hated to admit I liked him better without the angel juice. At least then he wasn't such an assbutt.  
_  
Who was I kidding. Unless this suddenly played out like City of Angels I was simply wishful thinking._


	5. 5

flashback

I spent the next few weeks keeping myself busy by tidying up the place while the guys where out doing their thing. It was always something it seemed. More times than not at least one of them came back with at the very least a bruise, the worst some pretty nasty cuts that one of the other guys would stitch up. There was never a shortage of laundry to be done and as the only non-hunter it was the least I could do.

I had no idea how they'd made do without someone around just to do what I guess you could call motherly duties. By the time I'd finally finished the mountain of laundry I had a plan. I needed to get out for a bit, and not my normal walk down the beach, but really out. So I grabbed my keys after jotting a quick note and hit the road. I didn't expect to be so far from a real grocery store let alone any decent clothing stores, but a few hours later I hit pay dirt. After all laundry duty had its perks as well. I'd snuck a peak at everyone's sizes, and I had a pretty good idea of each mans personal taste and style by now. Although I did take it upon myself to humanize Castiel's wardrobe just a smidgen.

_Besides... I was curious to see him in something other than a suit. He could tone it down a bit, especially when "off-duty". _

After picking up some last minute items I started the long drive back in a better mood than I'd been in. This weekend was going to be different for all of us. Not only was I tired of being left alone, but all the hunting talk and four sulky men had wore on my nerves. If the end of the world was around the corner these guys deserved at least a small glimpse of normality. This weekend we would at the very least pretend that evil didn't exist in the forms we very well knew were out there lurking somewhere.

By the time the guys came home that night I had everything where it should be and sat waiting at the kitchen table.

_Time to put my game face on. _

I waited patiently as they all took a seat and sat waiting for my cue. This might not be so easy convincing any of them to go along with my plan. I hoped to have at least one of them on my side, but then again as defeated as they already seemed it might also be much easier to convince them that this was the right thing to do.

_Start off easy..._

"As you may have noticed I took a little trip today. On each of your beds are bags with new clothes."

I bit my lower lip nervously before continuing.

"Like it or not this weekend you're ditching the suit Cas."

Castiel shifted in his chair while Dean cast an unsure look in my direction.

"The rest of you should find your new wardrobe to your tastes."

An audible sigh came from the other three.

_It was now or never..._

"I'd like everyone to please place their cell phones on the table in front of them."

After a brief pause they all complied and circling the table I grabbed them all up, shut them off then pocketed them. Raising one hand to stop the questions I knew were coming I grabbed a cold six-pack from the counter I'd had waiting, cracked one open for myself and sat the rest in front of them.

_One..._

_Two..._

_Three..._

_Four..._

They followed suit and seemed to calm down a little.

"This weekend is ours. The way I see things you're all ready to go down fighting without stopping to take a moment, no matter how brief, just to have one last good memory to take with you. This means no hunting."

My eyes flitted from face to face as I let that sink in expecting a near riot at any moment now. But there was none.

"See, this is exactly why you all need this! You've all been running on auto-pilot and it's depressing as hell to just sit back and watch. You need to live for once in your lives. I'm sure you think that sounds selfish, and maybe you're right. But after all you've done being selfish just once is nothing. You've helped save countless peoples lives, killed one evil thing after another and for what? You need to do this. If for no other reason that life owes you this much and I think that if all of your lost friends and loved ones were here right now they'd say the same thing."

Drawing in a breath after that speech I saw Bobby nodding in agreement.

"Let's eat, drink and be merry then." Dean said sarcastically before heading to his room.

"He'll come around." Bobby assured me patting me on the shoulder before calling it a night.

Sam stood up giving me a weak smile. "He's not used to taking orders from a woman, no offense."

He wrapped me into a sasquatch hug, "I'll have a talk with him in the morning. G'nite."

"Night Sam."

I wasn't offended, nor was I sure that any amount of talking would change the fact that every fiber in Deans being went against my idea. With Bobby onboard I knew he wouldn't go against it, worst case scenario he camped out in his room throwing a tantrum akin to a teenage girl. The images that brought to mind amused me as I turned my attention back to Castiel who was the only one who hadn't left.

_He wasn't seriously sulking about wearing jeans for a change was he?_

I sat my empty on the counter by the sink and grabbed another cold one. I wasn't much of a drinker, but I thought what the hell. I'd just asked the guys to go against the grain and cut loose so I might as well shake things up a bit.

_Of course there was the slight problem that I was very much a light weight when it came to alcohol, and if I really pushed the limits I'd pay for it later, but you only live once right?_

"Grab your trunks, and meet me at the shoreline."

When he didn't budge I wasn't sure if he'd heard me or not.

"Earth to Cas..."

"I'll be there." he said still not looking at me.

I shrugged and walked out the door a skip in my step.

Tossing my shorts and t-shirt in the sand beside my towel I walked back and forth at the waters edge. Earlier I'd slipped my new two-piece on before putting on some fresh clothes. The navy blue made my tan stand out more than usual, the white stars were just a cute little touch that sealed the deal on that sale. I readjusted the ties at both hips for the umpteenth time, sure enough time had passed that I was going to have to take a midnight swim alone.

Normally I'd dip my toes in first to test the water temp before jumping right in. Tonight I didn't care as I waded in until I was waist deep. The salt water was cool against my skin, but not cold. Night sky blanketed with countless stars I took a deep breath and dove beneath the deep blue. As I surfaced I spotted a silhouette out of the corner of my eye.

_So he finally decided to join me..._

_Took him long enough..._

Waves carrying me back to shore I stopped when the water was just shy of being shoulder high. As I neared the shadows fell away from his face, his body, and I suddenly found myself very self-conscious. The fact that he'd decided against wearing a shirt of any kind was not lost on me. I felt a part of me that I thought had took a permanent vacation reawakening. I'd seen plenty of shirtless men over the years, but none had ever had this effect on me.

Stepping into the water like a man with a purpose he strode towards me steadily, while everything in me screamed RUN! I could no more do that than form a coherent thought. Those eyes burning with such intensity, and I realized with instant clarity what I was feeling.

_Vulnerable..._

_It wasn't the sight of his half naked body now glistening with ocean spray, but those eyes..._

_That mouth..._

Stopping just a few inches in front of me a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. "You have a crush on me don't you?"

_Ohboy..._

"What makes you say that?" I said sounding more flippant than I felt.

"You get this sparkle in your eyes that's not there when you talk to anyone else."

_What can I say to deflect just how close he is to the truth?_

"Must be the moonlight playing tricks on you."

Splashing him I swam away my laugh echoing far into the otherwise silent night.

As the cool water pelted down on me in the shower I closed my eyes and replayed the night in over in my head. We'd swam for a couple of hours wordlessly and I found it oddly comforting. I hadn't felt the need to fill the quiet gap with mindless gibberish as I normally felt compelled to. It all seemed surreal. Like some sort of connection had come from our shared silence despite no words being spoken. The only comfortable silences I'd shared in my past had been with lifelong friends, before Todd came into the picture. Yet tonight a part of me felt like I'd known Castiel all my life.

I slipped into an old baggy t-shirt and shorts and finger combed my hair before heading down the hallway. Pausing at Cas's door I decided against knocking for fear he'd already fallen fast asleep.

I tiptoed downstairs to the den and channel surfed, hoping for either a decent movie or something that would bore me to sleep. Stretching out on the suede couch I cruised through infomercial after infomercial before stumbling upon the end of The Wedding Singer. Up next Anger Management, another Sandler flick.

_Hmm..._

_Must be a marathon..._

Awesome for me being a huuuge fan of **most **of his movies.

_Wasn't so keen on Punch Drunk Love..._

Hearing footfalls coming down the steps I turned and could just make out Cas's still wet hair in the dim light. "Mind if I join you?"

"Only if you're not going to make me move. Took me forever to get comfy." I said looking over the back of the couch at him.

Glancing around the room he noticed I'd taken the only seating area and looked as though he was about to head back upstairs.

"You could sit on the floor here in front of me. If you're a good boy I'll even scratch behind your ears."

"Funny." He didn't hide the smile that so wanted to come out as well as he thought he had.

"Or you can sit here," I said patting the cushion under my feet, "so long as you don't mind me using you as a footrest."

He took a seat as I repositioned myself and turned my attention back to the movie. Or at least I tried to. Being in such close proximity to him made it hard to focus on much else.

"Nice socks..."

"Hey now, don't mock the fuzzies!"

_So I had a slight sock fetish when it came to the fuzzies as I called them. I had dozens of pairs of them, plain colors, bright colors, striped, spots, you name it if they sold it I probably had a pair of 'em._

"I wasn't mocking 'the fuzzies'. They're interesting."

"They are _crazy_ soft and cute thank you very much." I said smugly.

He ran his hands over the top of my feet that sent a shiver through my entire body. "I guess."

From the moment he'd entered the den it had been impossible to fully focus on anything else. There was this almost gravitational pull that seemed to lure me in and I knew that if he were ever near I would be able to sense it because of that.

"So what's it like?"

"Heaven?"

I nodded.

"You know I can't tell you that."

"Ah, and give away the punch line eh?"

"Something like that." He sighed heavily and I knew he was picturing it by the furrow on his brow.

"You ever wish you were like us?"

"I've never really thought about it. Why do you ask?"

"Just seems there's so much you miss out on."

"Like what?"

"Food, music, movies, emotions... sex..."

"Doesn't seem like such a sacrifice to me."

"How can you say that? What's a life without living and experiencing?"

"I have a life of servitude and obedience to God. I don't see the point in wishing to be human simply to feel. What's the point in happiness if it also comes with such suffering and misery?"

"That is the point. Without the bad you wouldn't know how great the good parts are. Nobody enjoys the sour moments in life, but they are there to teach us a lesson or make us stronger for things yet to come. Do I wish my daughter was still here, of course I do. But that just makes the memories that much more meaningful and I wouldn't give those up for anything."

"And her father, did you love him?"

"We were young... and I guess I loved him in the way that every teenager thinks they love their first crush. But looking back it wasn't that moment where you know they're the one you're meant to be with for the rest of your life. I loved him without being in love with him, if that makes any sense to you..."

He listened intently, nodding as he took it all in. It was then I understood how strange this all must seem to him. How strange we and all our habits and activities must appear, and though he didn't show it he must have felt like an outsider trying to fit in.

We took the stairs back up while the sun was just starting to rise. We stood side by side watching the sun come up, and then I yawned. Probably the first all-nighter he'd pulled. Chalk another new human experience under his belt.

"You were wrong you know."

"About what?"

"Your crush theory."

"Oh. Then what would you call it?"

"Trouble.." I mumbled before yawning again.

If he said anything after that I didn't hear it. As tired as I suddenly was I was lucky I hadn't slipped up and said what had been on the tip of my tongue. Sliding under the sheets I fought against that thought to no avail. There was no denying the fact. I was falling for him.

I groaned in frustration.

_This was happening too fast. _

_All this tingly, bubbly stuff inside of me..._

_If that wasn't trouble I didn't know what was._

_I wasn't going to say the L word..._

_Besides that'd be crazy right?_

_Me in love with an angel..._

_Ohboyohboyohboy... talk about trouble with a capital t..._


	6. 6

Fingers brushing the hair back from my forehead I opened my eyes sleepily.

"Cas? What are you.." my words were cut off as his warm hand found my exposed stomach, the moment his mouth covered mine all thought was lost.

"Bree?"

_Ugh!_

_Not now Dean._

_Shoo..._

"Bree."

With a sudden jostling to my shoulder my eyes flew open, for real this time. I didn't know whether to cry or scream.

"What do you want." I snapped, deciding frustration fit best.

_Why was it that bad dreams always played themselves out until the very end, while with good ones it never failed you were woken up by one thing or another before the __**really**__ good stuff..._

"Well I did come in to ask if we were suppose to fend for ourselves seeing as its now almost lunch time."

He stared at me with an inquisitive look in his eyes. Flipping back the covers I scrambled through the dresser for a pair of sweats. Quickly pulled them on and started combing through the riffraff that littered the top of the nightstand for my hairclip.

"But you were making some serious happy noises there. You weren't dreaming about me where ya?"

A hopeful smile lit up his face. Catching his gaze in the mirror I rolled my eyes.

"Hardly. Sorry to burst your ego there champ."

Shrugging it off he tried again, "Sam?"

Twisting my hair up off the back of my neck and fastening it I choked out a laugh at the doubt in his question. Maybe some women liked the womanizing type, but I wasn't one of them.

"While highly more likely than dreaming of you, no."

I turned around finding myself face to face with him, a smile of satisfaction that at least where I was concerned his brother would fare better than he.

"Well Bobby is a little old for you, and it couldn't have been Cas so..."

The second Cas's name was mentioned I knew the look on my face had been a dead giveaway. I hadn't been prepared for him to keep trying, let alone show so much interest in my subconscious world.

"Seriously?"

_So after umpteen tries he'd hit the nail on the head. _

_Big deal. _

_It wasn't like he was going to go tell him hey Cas, you know Bree had a sex dream about you? _

_He was more likely to go lick his wounds from being the last one I'd dream about. _

"Y'all can fend for yourselves. You **do** remember how to do that right?" Patting him on the cheek lightly I went out for a morning run.

My feet pounded against the sandy shoreline until well past noon before most of the frustration had relinquished its hold over me. Perhaps that's all it all boiled down to. Being the only woman surrounded by four men I was bound to end up sexually frustrated. Wasn't I? Of course there was always the option to take matters into my own hands. Knowing my luck however it would have the reverse effect and my sex drive would kick into over gear. Weighing my options I didn't think it worth the risk. Suffering, however minor, never hurt anyone and I wasn't dumb enough to poke _that_ bear with a stick!

I walked for another ten or fifteen minutes to cool down before slinging the small pack to the ground and resting. Darkening clouds to the west told me a storm was headed our way, as if to prove itself the winds had picked up sending stray leaves scattering about in the woods behind me. Closing my eyes as the cool breeze washed over me I found myself wondering what the guys were up to. Given the current situation it was anyone's guess. What did normal people do if faced with the knowledge that their life could end so soon? A pang of grief hit when I thought about the possibility of some of us making it through this unscathed, albeit some of us would most likely not. Disheartened I returned my water bottle to my pack, rising I dusted the sand off the butt of my pants and started my journey back.

Embers in the grill still smoldering, I was greeted by the aroma of steaks and barbeque ribs still heavy in the air. Sam sat atop a cooler at the Impala's side, a half finished six-pack at his feet. Dean was busy tinkering away underneath the hood, a grease smudge across his left cheek. Wiping the sweat from his brow with the back of his arm he nodded before turning his attention back to whatever he'd been doing. Sam rose and grabbed a cold one from the ice and tossed it in my direction.

"Thanks."

He tipped his head in acknowledgement and returned to studying his brothers work. Making my way to the porch I collapsed in exhaustion on the steps and nodded at the other two.

"We saved you some food, should still be warm." Bobby informed me, patting his stomach. I'd learned years ago that when it came to men and red meat they almost always nearly ate 'til bursting. Chuckling a bit to myself I cracked open my beer and took a sip.

"Maybe later, not really hungry right now. Who cooked tonight anyways?"

"He did." Castiel groaned, proving my whole men and meat theory while casting an accusing glance at the older man.

"Explains why the place is still standing." I teased throwing a wink in Bobby's direction.

After washing up I scrounged through my closet for something casual to wear, and decided my baby blue tank and a pair of jean shorts would do. Rejoining the boys I found them all as I had left them.

"Sam, you got a minute?" I asked walking far enough away from the others so our conversation would be private.

"Sure." He bent over to get a fresh can from the cooler and held it up.

"Make it a water this go, please."

With legs as long as his it didn't take him long to reach me.

"Thanks."

Snapping the lid off the top I took a long drink while trying to put my jumbled thoughts into words.

"Day after tomorrow huh?"

A dark shadow fell across his face as he remembered the worlds impending fate rested on his shoulders.

"I believe in you Sam. I know everyone else is probably going to tell you to go down swinging, and no matter what at least you tried. But I know if anyone can do this it's you."

He looked doubtful at my unquestionable faith in him.

"You just need to believe in yourself. Look at the life you've lived, and the fact you're not some mumbling nut job in a padded room after all the insanity. Everyone needs to know someone believes in them, I just wanted you to know you've got me."

Pulling me into a hug he lowered his mouth to my ear, "I needed to hear that, thank you." I squeezed his hand, the only reply I could give him.

"Storms moving in fast." Bobby said as I took the empty seat between him and Castiel.

Castiel's eyes closed I leaned over to check that he was still alive. There hadn't been death by steak overdose that I knew of, didn't mean it _couldn't_ happen. I breathed a sigh of relief as I watched the steady rise and falling of his chest.

Kicking his feet up on the porch railing Bobby leaned back and rested his eyes. "You smell like a cookie."

My girlish giggle carried across the yard. "Warm brown sugar, courtesy of Bath and Body Works."

How I loved that place. I could spend hours there and still never tire of it, was as close to heaven as I could possibly imagine. Being among a group of men such as these I had to do something to keep my femininity, however small an attempt.

"That funny feeling in my chest is back." Cas said as he stood and stretched.

"Welcome to indigestion. Common causes greasy foods and eating like a pig." I shrugged nonplussed.

"If that were the case it wouldn't happen only when you're around." he retorted glancing at me before averting his gaze.

Deans hearty chuckle startled me. Wiping his hands on a rag he then tucked into his back jeans pocket. "That would be good old hormones there Cas, welcome to my world."

Rising from his chair Bobby shook his head, "Oh brother..." he grumbled before the door closed behind him. Sam looked back and forth between the three of us before deciding whatever was going on didn't need his input and followed Bobby's cue.

"Last time I checked hormones would affect something a little further down than the chest area Dean." I stared him down long and hard, telling him with my eyes if he so much as breathed a word of earlier today I would make him regret it.

"You're absolutely right Bree. I guess since the odd feeling radiates from his chest he should consider it a heart issue." His proud smirk told me he'd ignored my obvious signal and whether I ended up making him regret it later or not what he was about to say would be worth it in his book.

Gripping Cas's shoulder the two men looked at each other, Castiel still in the dark about what was going on. "Try the L word on for size." he patted his shoulder before leaving us two alone.

He'd hung me out to dry! My mouth wide open in disbelief, I quickly snapped it shut and scrambled for recovery.

"That's absurd. He's crazy. Spending all day with his head up the back end of a car... all those fumes. Too much to drink..." I was rambling and stumbling over my words which so wasn't helping my cause. "There's Tums in the medicine cabinet in my bathroom, those should help."

He just continued to stare out at nothing in absolute silence. "Yeah." Without looking at me he turned and entered the house. My shoulders slumped as I was left alone with my thoughts. I'd done the right thing. Hadn't I?

Part of me wanted nothing more than to pack up my few belongings and disappear into the night while they slept. I just wasn't wired to run when the going got tough, so instead I found myself once again over thinking anything that could be thought. The what ifs were endless so I turned my focus to the bigger picture. If my life was going to end the day after tomorrow I wasn't going to be left with regrets. So where did that leave me...

As the gentle rain turned into a steady downpour I let myself go and the bittersweet tears flowed freely. Cupping my face in my hands I sobbed loudly, a mixture of pain from the past and the pain yet to come. The downpour slowing to a steady drizzle a warm hand squeezed my shoulder comfortingly. He'd been there awhile. How long I wasn't sure, but I'd felt his presence once the storm of my tears had subsided.

"So that's what you meant by trouble?"

When I didn't answer he turned me to face himself. I hadn't even had time to pull myself together and having to do this so soon... Closing my eyes I took a deep breath and kept my eyes averted to the ground. "Yeah."

"How did you know? Why me? Why are you acting as though this emotion you raved about is so terrible?"

Already feeling like a train wreck his rapid fired questions weren't helping.

"I don't know, I don't know, I don't know! How did I know how you felt? I didn't, how could I? As for how I feel I was in denial until just recently. And why not you? This isn't something a person plans you know, sometimes it just happens."

Turning away I sought answers in the darkness that surrounded us. The rain was still coming down, my emotions were raw, and I wasn't quite sure what he expected from me.

"I'm acting like this because its both a blessing and a curse. When you let someone in like that, if they hurt you hurt for them and with them. You always pray things will end up happily ever after, but they rarely do so you wonder which day its all going to just poof and vanish before your eyes."

A shooting star blazed a trail across the pitch black sky, and like I had since I was a child I made a wish. The irony wasn't lost on me. If he felt anything we had a lifespan about as long as that already gone fallen star had. We'd never make it further than it had, and all the pondering in the world wouldn't help me decide what the right choice from here was.

"Dean was right. Bree, I..."

"Don't. Please... just don't. Jeez Cas, what do you want from me?" I spun around to face him in a sudden blaze of white hot fury. "Do you want me to tell you how truly unfair I think this is? Or how despite everything I wish things were different because I'm in love with you and the thought of losing you..."

His lips pressed against mine hungrily, swallowing up the rest of the tirade I would have thrown at him. A spark not unlike that of a lightening bolt flowed through every atom of my body, and I knew that if this wasn't right I didn't care. He was it for me, there would be no other love after...

"Say it again." he said coming up for air.

"I love you Castiel."

"God I love the sound of that." his smile gleaming in the moonlight.

"Good, because you're going to be hearing it an awful lot."

Waves crashed against our legs almost knocking me over and without thinking I hopped up, locking my legs around his waist. A low guttural groan came from deep within his chest and I whispered something in his ear. One last human experience was about to be knocked of his to-do list. By the time we'd gotten to his bedroom and shut the door that smile was the only thing I saw.


	7. 7

In the animalistic frenzy that ensued my wardrobe was down a shirt as was his. From the moment his lips had touched mine behind closed doors I didn't want them anywhere else. He soon learnt that lesson for each time he tried to pull away I gently nipped his lower lip. The after effects I'd be feeling tomorrow were worth it. Even the brutal beating my shoulders had taken from being slammed against the wall. My skin still tingly where his touch had lingered, I unwrapped my legs from around him and lowered my feet to the floor. Both panting for air I was waiting for the verdict.

_Would this human act surpass his expectations..._

_Or would he have found me lacking in some aspect..._

_Wouldn't that just take the cake, his first time and to have a dimmed by a mere human..._

"So that's what all the hype was about?"

I punched him playfully in the midsection, "Very funny."

"Is it always like that?" he asked curiously.

_Like what, terrible? _

_Now of all times my insecurities would have to flare their ugly heads._

"Umm.." I stammered, "honestly I don't know. That was... WOW..." finding no other word to sum up the experience.

Todd had been my first and recalling all his fumbling and focusing on only meeting **his** needs I knew I was missing the whole experience. Contrary to popular belief, just because I'd become pregnant my senior year I had _**not**_ been around the block. I was still trying to wrap my mind around what had just happened, and how he'd been so... well lets just say if I'd had any socks on they'd have been more than blown off. How he'd known what to do, and done it so well was astonishing.

Finding my panties amidst the heap of clothes on the floor proved easier than I assumed. Once I'd slipped those back on I did a quick look-see of his closet and snagged one of his dark button down the front dress shirts. Trying to avoid looking at him as he was still standing there buck naked proved most difficult of all and I ended up having to rebutton his borrowed shirt more than once. Kissing him lightly on the cheek I left his room, his worrisome gaze following me.

Padding quietly through the cabin I made my way to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water. I stood peering through the small window over the sink to find the rain had finally come to a halt.

A low wolf whistle startled me and the glass I was holding shattered in the sink.

"Give me a break Dean, most swim suits covers less."

He came over to help pick up the pieces of broken glass while tracking me out of the corner of his eye. Running cool water over the cut in my finger he took my hand and accessed the damage.

"Won't need stitches at least." he said as though hoping to make matters better. He pulled a clean towel from the kitchen drawer and gingerly wrapped my hand to stop the blood flow.

"So would that be considered a three-sum?"

Ignoring his question, he snatched the half-empty bottle of Jack Daniels from its hiding place and poured two glasses, sliding one across the counter at me. "It'll help with the pain."

"Pain from what, your bad jokes?"

"Touché."

His question did bother me more than I let on. What exactly did happen to Jimmy while Cas had control? More importantly was he aware of the going ons, and if so did that make Deans question a little more valid than it first appeared?

Tossing back the liquor in one swig I contemplated the ramifications. I had to know, and the only way was to ask. Castiel seemed closest to Dean, so he ought to know.

"Jimmy isn't awake in there somewhere freaking out...sort of like I am at the thought he could be. Is he?"

My question took him by surprise and he sputtered on his drink trying to hold back a laugh.

_Please just this once be serious Dean..._

"I was only giving you a hard time Bree. When an angel takes a vessel its not like when a demon possesses someone and they're aware of everything yet have no control. With Cas what you see is Jimmy, but apart from his looks that's all Cas. Jimmy, well think of him as in a vegetative state. If or when Cas doesn't need him as a vessel any longer he won't have any recollection of anything."

"And if Cas gets his powers back?"

"Then he'll return to the emotionally unattached robot he was before." Uncapping the bottle he refilled my cup to the brim. The pain that had surfaced however briefly in my eyes hadn't gone unnoticed by him. "Sorry."

_Me too..._

Feeling suddenly very queasy I made a mad dash to the bathroom just in time for my stomach to empty itself of every last content. Trying to still my rapidly pounding heart and nerves I prayed that nastiness was all over. A soft rapping on the door sounded just as the first wave of dry heaves hit.

_Lovely..._

_I hadn't had that much to drink yet here I was... hunched over praying to the porcelain god..._

_And about to have an audience to boot..._

"Go away."

"You okay?"

_Duh.. do I look okay to you Dean?_

I grimaced as my stomach lurched again and again. Lifting my head slowly I waited for the room to stop spinning around me. After a few minutes had passed I felt good as new, apart from the nasty taste in my mouth and needing to wash my face. A wet washcloth dangled in front of my face.

"Thanks." Wiping my mouth before turning to face him only to find that he'd already gone. I guess he'd been here more than his fair share of times and understood nobody cared to be watched during that horrendous experience, much less while one cleaned up after.

Turning the facet in the bathtub I poured in some bubble bath then brushed my teeth while waiting for the tub to fill. Lighting three candles around the sink I flipped the lights off before sinking beneath the suds. After dressing I grabbed a notepad and pen from the nightstand and headed back to Cas's room.

"Get dressed, we're going somewhere." As he dressed I sat on the floor and used the trunk at the foot of his bed as a table and began to write.

_**Bobby, Sam & Dean,**_

_**I'm not even sure of where to start. Thank you doesn't seem adequate for all you've done for me. You saved me in more ways than one & for that I'll be forever grateful. **_

_**Bobby, you showed me a quiet patience & understanding that I needed in order to come to terms with things. I'm sorry for giving you such a hard time, but if it means anything I've always looked up to you. The boys are lucky to have you & I'm lucky to have gotten the chance to know you over the last several months. **_

_**Dean, I'm sorry we haven't always seen eye to eye & butted heads more than anything. Perhaps that has to do with the fact we are more alike than either one of us cares to admit in some aspects. You've had a great weight on your shoulders for a long time that I don't envy & many couldn't carry. You don't have to carry it alone... but I think you already know that. Thank you for allowing me into your little group. If the circumstances were different perhaps I'd have time to rectify having always kept you at arms length. **_

_**Sam, whatever happens tomorrow is what's meant to be & nothing anyone does is going to change that. Sometimes faith is just in knowing that. Accepting you've done all you can possibly do & let fate takes its course. Thank you for helping me through some rough nights & patches. Time to have a little faith in yourself for a change.**_

_**There are a couple of places I need to go but I'll be back in the morning. Don't go anywhere without me. You guys are all I have left & if its end game I'm not going to be left sitting on the sidelines.**_

_**Love y'all, **_

_**Bree**_

I jotted down my cell phone number at the bottom in case an emergency of some sort came up, grabbed my keys and walked out the door. Castiel followed with a look of puzzlement upon his face. Glancing back at the cabin from the rearview mirror it dawned on me that tonight was possibly the last night any of us would see that place...


	8. 8

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Cas throwing curious looks my way. Although I was sure he was dying to ask where we were off to in the middle of the night he didn't, and as the miles passed our destination became clear. I was headed to Bay Village, Ohio, or what had been my home at least. I knew it wouldn't make much sense to him about why I had to see this place one last time before doomsday, more importantly one last visit to my daughters grave, but to me it just felt like the right thing to do. The only thing I could think to do, considering I knew trying to sleep tonight was pointless. We weren't on the road long before Castiel was fast asleep. By the time I pulled into my old driveway the early birds were already chirping loudly and the sun was just starting to rise.

I shut the car off and followed the cobblestone path around the side to the gate that led to the backyard. I hadn't been here since that afternoon I'd left to pick Kat up from her grandparents. The thought of returning to an empty home was heartbreaking so the Winchesters had booked a couple of hotel rooms. They were busy making it look as though my family's death had been caused by some freak electrical wiring accident, causing the house to burn entirely to the ground. Little did anyone else know that all the bodies had been salted and burned, just to be safe I'd been told. Not that I'd been there, gone or not the thought of seeing my baby girl burning wasn't something I wished to witness.

Sighing I took a seat on the back steps, and though being back here hurt it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, more bittersweet. As the memories flooded back I could see Kat at play in the little clubhouse, her princess castle as she called it, and it seemed her giggling filled the air once again. My eyes locked on the lonely maple tree and a single tear brimmed over and trailed down my cheek. Sam had spread her ashes around that tree and despite my burdened heart I smiled. Hearing the gate close I turned just as Cas came into sight. I glanced back one last time at that tree.

"See you soon sweetie."

I didn't notice the tears in Cas's eyes at my words as I made my way to his side. Linking my arm through his we made our way back to the front of the house. Letting go of his arm I walked up the steps and slipped a letter through the mail slot in the front door. If today wasn't the last for all of us I was ready to turn ownership of this place over to my old neighbor, Ms. Fry. By the looks of it she'd taken good care of the ranch-style house since my departure six months ago. If today wasn't the day I was set to meet my maker it was at least a day for new beginnings. This place was part of my old life and the memories made here with my daughter I'd always have, no matter where I chose to call home.

Cas's cell phone chirped and he quickly retrieved it from his pocket.

"Mhmm. Okay. Have you found him? Fine, we're on our way."

"What's going on?"

It wasn't hard to tell by the look on his face it wasn't great news. The look he tossed me over the roof of the car before we jumped back in wasn't much better.

"Sam said yes."

Well I knew that was coming, but already? The clock in the car flashed 8:43 AM. Well wherever we were headed better be close, if not I wasn't stopping for a speeding ticket. Cas filled me in on what Bobby had informed him when he called. Sam had gone AWOL shortly after agreeing to be Lucifer's vessel and they'd just found out where he was. It was on at high-noon and we were at least a good five hours away. Black tire marks marred the driveway as I floored it. There was no way in hell we were going to be late.

Ten minutes out Cas finally broke the silence.

"Do you have any regrets?"

"Not anymore."

He looked at me, his eyes asking me to elaborate.

"The stop earlier."

He nodded.

After a few minutes of silent thinking I had something to add to my answer.

"I guess everyone has regrets. The only regret I have would be spending more time with Kat, and there's nothing I can do about that now. I've always tried to live life in a way that I wouldn't have any regrets. I've followed my heart and you really can't go wrong there."

"Do you regret us?"

My head would have told him yes. Bobby stood by the back of his car waiting for us. I pulled up behind his car, shut the car off and turned to Cas.

"No."

He didn't look as though he believed me, perhaps it was the long pause before answering. I knew he didn't understand people, let alone emotions, well enough to fully comprehend everything I'd been thinking during that pause. Exiting the car he came around to my side and took my hand in his.

"I love you Bree." he said after brushing his lips over mine softly.

"Don't."

"Why not? You're the one who gave me this long speech about how great being human was because you're able to feel. Now that I do you expect me to just ignore it?"

Blinking back tears I shook my head from side to side.

"You don't get it. It doesn't matter either way. Either we all die or we don't... and if we don't then you'll eventually return where you're meant to be. Then you won't feel anything..."

I choked back a sob refusing to break down in front of him. Everything I'd always wanted, everything I'd always feared was now coming to a head and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

"Then where does that leave me, huh? Here, still feeling this... without you. I'd rather die given a choice."

From the look on his face if I'd have smacked him instead I wouldn't have hurt him half as bad. I couldn't help myself. My heart was breaking, and I was scared and angry. Better to push him away now than risk getting any closer and have it hurt that much more.

"Whatever happens I'll never forget. I love you Bree. No regrets...remember?" pressing his forehead against mine.

When I opened my eyes he was following Bobby down the dirt path that lead into the cemetery.

What happened next seemed to fly by in the blink of an eye. After jogging to catch up to Castiel and Bobby we'd found Dean being beaten by Lucifer. It was eerie looking at Sam's face and knowing he was in there somewhere totally aware of what was going on. I was still trying to come to grips with that and all I remember was Cas exploding and watching Bobby's limp body fall to the ground.

Having just witnessed Lucifer kill Castiel and Bobby with no qualms I was suddenly forced into action. Dean lay slumped against the Impala and I feared if Lucifer didn't turn and with a simple flick of his wrist add him to the death toll he'd soon be unconscious. Casting my eyes upward I took a deep breath.

_Oh Lord please give me the strength... _

"Trying to prove how badass you are?" I said planting my feet firmly between Lucifer and Dean.

It was hard looking into Sam's eyes knowing it wasn't him I was speaking to. Harder yet was not knowing whether Sam had already lost the inner battle, or was waiting for his moment to strike. His left eyebrow arched as he gave me a curious once over. Then making his hand into a gun, as little boys playing cops and robbers often did, he cocked his thumb back wearing a Cheshire grin.

"Really now? You're going to kill an unarmed woman? More of a cowards move I'd say. Especially considering the fact I'm not here to hurt you, but that's only because I'd be hurting Sam as well."

I smirked raising my arms giving him a better target. "Go ahead. You'd be doing me a favor."

Castiel and Bobby both already dead it wouldn't be much longer before he tired of playing with Dean like a cat's mouse and finished the job. Either way it didn't look as though Sam would be coming out of it, for all I knew Lucifer planned on wearing him as a meat suit for his entire reign over mankind.

"Bang!"

When nothing happened his smile faded, and he looked as confused as I felt.

"Shooting blanks there Lucy? Guess Dean was partly right, some angels are junk less."

Rage contorted his face, and then he blinked several times. "Bree."

"Sam..."

The strain in his voice proved it'd been some fight gaining control, and it still was. What I was still lost about was it hadn't been Sam who'd fired the kiddy gun straight at my heart and nothing... Lucifer didn't miss, I knew that much. But I also knew the window of opportunity for Sam was short so I stepped aside and let him talk to his brother. I'd walked around to the backside of the Impala before my legs gave away underneath me. The brothers voices hummed in what seemed some for off place as I sat staring at what was left of Cas. The sight turning my stomach I grabbed onto the trunk of the car and pulled myself to my feet. Glancing over I saw that Michael had returned. Sam and he walked circles like tigers ready to pounce. My mind not able to take anymore in their words were lost. In one swift movement Sam grabbed Michael, and Michaels scream could be heard as they plummeted down the gaping hole in the ground, and then the hole was gone. Dean crawled towards where the hole had been and picked up the four horsemen's rings. The only proof that what we'd just witnessed hadn't been a fabrication of our imaginations.


	9. 9

Dean sat hunched over the hole Sam had disappeared into taking their half brother Adam, Michael's second choice for vessel, with him. Leaning against the Impalas passenger door I slid down until my butt touched the ground and stared off into the distance past Dean. There were no words for what had just happened. My heart ached for Dean, I understood the pain he must be feeling. He was now all that was left of his family. There was nothing I or anyone else could possibly say to take that pain away.

It wasn't what I'd pictured the Apocalypse looking like, and perhaps Sam's actions had made all of that moot and everything the brothers had experienced would replay itself at some later date. The world wasn't ending in a sea of fire, and we _were_ still breathing. But the cost seemed much too high in my opinion.

After a fluttering sound my view was blocked by a figure in a tan trench coat.

_It couldn't be..._

_My eyes are playing tricks on me..._

_Maybe I had died and this was hells sick joke..._

The figure lifted two fingers and touched Deans forehead, with that simple touch his battered face looked as good as new. Frightened and shaking I pressed myself tighter against the Impalas door as I got to my feet. Dean stood up, running one hand over his face as if to make sure this was real. Then both of us watched as Castiel walked over to where Bobby lay cold. The same two fingers touched Bobby's right temple. Bobby sat up disoriented and confused looking at Castiel as though he were a ghost. A cold chill rocked my body as I suddenly realized the truth. Although unseen to the human eye Castiel was sporting his angelic wings. When his eyes met mine I saw the coldness Sam had often talked about. Then he was standing in front of me and raised one hand towards my face.

"Don't touch me." I snapped at him.

"I can take away your pain."

Grabbing his wrist tightly with both hands I stared him down.

"I said don't touch me. Pain reminds me I'm alive... and human."

He continued looking at me a few moments longer. While my insides battled between anger and utter heartbreak his face was void of any emotion.

I let his wrist drop and dug around in my pocket for my car keys. Dean and Bobby stood on either side of Castiel. I turned to Dean.

"I'm gonna go find a decent place to crash. Give me a call when you boys are done here."

I pushed my way past Castiel and turned back.

"And _**don't**_ bring him with you." I said tilting my head in the angels direction.

_Time for a shower and sleep. _

_Maybe if I get lucky I'll wake up back in the real world. _

_Whatever that means..._

That evening around the dinner table I sat pushing my food around my plate listening to Deans non-stop ranting. He was pissed that while his brother was gone Castiel had gotten a shiny pair of new wings, and after everything that had happened Castiel still chose to follow God even though by all appearances he had left the building. Instead of staying to help his human friend through this hellish ordeal he'd went back to heaven to play Sheriff and try to restore order in the heavenly realm. I understood his anger too well. While the three of us walked about like zombies on auto-pilot trying to cope with our losses, Cas had just waltzed away like it was the easiest thing in the world to do. Of course having no feelings could explain that... not that that tiny little fact mattered to us.

As for me I was still trying to sort through the contradictory feelings I had. I bounced around from being content that at least Castiel wasn't dead, sad over the loss of Sam, to angry that there was nothing I could do, but more than anything confused where to go or what to do from here. At least Dean had plans. Sam had made him promise to go live an apple pie life, and with his bags packed he stood switching his weight from one foot to the other. Bobby gave him a long hug, then both men broke away Dean clearing his throat. He looked at me awkwardly.

"Dean..."

I wanted to tell him it would get better, even though it'd always be there. That pain... Whatever I wanted to say he must have understood.

"Yeah."

He took a step towards me and I wrapped my arms around his waist in an odd hug. "Stay in touch, okay?"

"I will." He gave Bobby's shoulder a manly squeeze before he turned and walked out the door.

I stood at the door until the Impalas taillights were out of view and the steady purr of its engine could no longer be heard. An overwhelming emptiness overcame me and I nearly succumbed to the tears I'd been holding back. Sam was gone, so was Castiel and now Dean. That's when Bobby sat me down and said he'd be going home, and how I needed to make a new start for myself. As much as it hurt to hear him say that I understood, a hunters life just wasn't for me. I packed my bags that night and slept off and on and when the sun was peeking out over the horizon I was already behind the wheel to wherever I would land. I didn't know where I was going, but I figured once I got there I'd know that was where I was meant to be. Two days later after multiple stops at gas stations and hotels for the night I passed a for sale sign on a house and knew that I was home.

Dialing the real estate agents number from my cell she agreed to meet with me in an hour. To pass the time I drove around the neighborhood and spotted a small diner near the town square. While I nursed my glass of iced tea the overly friendly waitress filled me in on all the towns gossip. Leaving a tip I thanked the kind older lady, she really reminded me of my own grams. Taking a different return route I noticed a grade school a few blocks from the house I was interested in.

_That would be nice, that is if I ever had more kids..._

A black Lexus was parked in the driveway when I pulled up, so I parked along the side of the road. Ms. Buyers greeted me warmly and opened the front door, letting me tour the place in privacy for which I was grateful. I'd never been keen on the whole sales pitch of breathing down a persons neck when they were trying to make a decision.

Overall the place was perfect. Vaulted ceilings, each bedroom had its own private bath, the master bedroom with a jet tub and separate shower. Spacious kitchen, finished basement, so many extra rooms I couldn't think of what to turn them all into! Although I was already sold on the place before my little tour the large backyard and rear deck with the fire pit was as far as I made it before returning to tell her she had her buyer. The only hitch came with having to wait to have my funds transferred from my bank back home to here. I gave her my attorneys number so she could verify that I did indeed have the funds to fully pay for this place and then some. She agreed to give him a call and said we'd talk again on Friday, today was Tuesday, hopefully by then every i dotted and t crossed. Until then I guess I was camping out at the nearest hotel.


	10. 10

The rest of the week I spent shopping for furniture and the like. While the smaller stuff started piling up on one side of the small hotel room, the larger items were set to be delivered Saturday morning. Things went as smoothly as I could have hoped, and by late Saturday evening the last delivery had been dropped off. I kicked back on the chaise on the back deck and watched as the sun went down. Monday construction was to start up on the rec center and the complex I had been dreaming of almost my whole life. Maybe this area wasn't in need of it so much, but there'd always be another crisis somewhere and I hoped that it would end up helping those who needed it most. I had a list of potential people to interview and turn the reins of both operations over to. My attorney, being the great and brainy guy he was, had all the paperwork in order and all that was left to me was choosing the appropriate people to put in charge. From there it would be in their capable hands, while I'd still be overseeing things just on a slightly smaller scale. I didn't foresee that we'd have any financial problems. The first few years of property taxes, insurance and any possible needs that may arise would come out of accounts for both.

The job Bobby had helped line up for me at Carly's not starting for another two weeks I now had a lot of time on my hands. Too much time. I had been so busy planning, making sure things were in order I hadn't time to think of much else. Now I had time to realize that building a new life wasn't going to take away the loneliness. A shooting star chose that of all times to flicker across the darkening sky, which only drove that point home harder. Swallowing the lump in my throat I vowed this new life would bring with it a new and stronger me, it would take some time but eventually I promised myself that much. I had accomplished more in the last week than I had my entire life. Mostly because staying busy kept the past buried, and my mind elsewhere. But nothing stanched the pain entirely, and every night before the sandman had me in his grip Cas's face fluttered against the back of my eyelids.

Flipping through the numbers on my cell I wondered what Bobby and Dean were up to... if they too were feeling as lousy as me. After punching in CALL I listened as it rang and rang, finally voicemail kicked in.

"Hi... it's me. Uh... I got settled into my new place. It's amazing, really peaceful. You'd like it."

_Being strong means admitting you could use a little help..._

"I really need you...wish you were here. I miss you Sam."

I clicked OFF, my voice thick with unshed tears. I'd always hated goodbyes, but this time there had been no closure. No body, no funeral, nothing. We'd all just went our separate ways and let it be. Usually a person had a headstone to put flowers on, or a spot that their loved ones ashes were spread. I know I didn't care to revisit the spot where the rings had forced some sort of bottomless hole to appear out of nowhere. Worst of it was no one knew what that meant for Sam, if he were tied to Lucifer that meant he'd be in hell. That part angered me, and not just at anyone but at God himself. Sam sacrificed himself for the entire human race, God's creation.. and that was what he got in return?

After slipping on some flannel pj pants and a tank I put an old Cranberries cd in. Skipping through to the song I was looking for I slid under the covers and cried myself to sleep while _I can't be with you _continued on repeat. Chiming of the doorbell woke me up the next morning and wiping the sleep from my eyes I trudged down the stairs.

"Hi, I'm Desi. I live across the street." said the bubbly redhead handing me a plate of cookies.

"Sorry, I didn't wake you did I?" she asked looking over my attire.

"It's fine, I should have been up anyway. Come on in."

We chatted for almost an hour, she was the type of person it was hard not to like. It wasn't until after she'd left I decided she'd be perfect for the therapist position that would be open once the rec center was completed. Granted she would be interested in the job. There would be different group meetings held there, as well as those who just needed someone to talk to from the complex. One of my contractors had told me there were still those looking for a place to get back on their feet from the last hurricane, which only doubled the crews efforts to get the place done soon.

After making myself presentable for the day I ruffled through the applicants and started making calls. I'd narrowed the list down and set up thirty-two interviews starting tomorrow morning and running until late afternoon. With that out of the way the rest of my day was clear. Grabbing one of my favorite old books I grabbed my car keys and drove to the park. There were a few people out either running or biking along the trails and I watched them for a little while before seeking the perfect reading place. A white willow that stood a few feet away from a small pond called my name. Once I was settled in a comfortable position I got lost in the pages, not even noticing I'd missed lunch. As I finished the last page the sun had already started to its decent, after stretching I drove home.

Making myself a quick sandwich I settled down in front of the tv. Half way into the nightly news there was a knock at the front door. Desi had returned bringing her roommate Jess. Introductions made Jess carried out a bottle of wine and two glasses, I brought my ice water. Desi started a fire in the pit and Jess asked me about 'my story'. So I filled them in on my life to date, apart from the Apocalypse bit. I was surprised by the weight that was lifted by that simple act of being so open with them, but it felt freeing. The two of them took turns sharing their lives, and how much they loved it here. I couldn't help but to notice how easy this seemed, and it felt nice having girlfriends after being around a bunch of guys for so long. The doorbell rang halting our girl talk.

"I'll be right back." I told them leaving my glass beside my chair.

Opening the door my heart nearly lurched out of my chest.

"Come in." I stepped back allowing my guest room to walk past me onto the entryway rug.


	11. 11

I held my breath as one foot fell then the other across the rug. When he passed the middle I lunged at him wrapping my arms as tightly as I could around him.

"Sam.." I said softly against his chest, releasing my pent up breath.

After prying loose from my grip he held me at arms length, his face disapproving. I smirked at his expression.

"Lift the rug. If you ask me how I knew you weren't still Luci's meat suit I didn't, but I figure if you were I'd already be dead."

I arched an eyebrow while he had to check for himself the trap under the entryway rug. That wasn't my only safety net from demons, I'd also removed the doors and windows and custom built the new framing around them. They now sported a framing which contained a unbroken ring of salt. Or squares and rectangles if you wanted to get technical.

"Bobby?" he asked. I nodded, it had been his idea just as a precaution.

"I'm more than happy to see you, but as much as I want to do the whole getting each other up to speed I have company. But stay, we'll talk after they leave. The guest room is the second on your right upstairs, fresh towels are in the closet if you want to clean up."

"Ah, so that's why we're whispering. That sounds good, but let me run out to the car a sec. I brought you something."

Seeing his crooked smile made me bite my lower lip, that smile always made him look goofy in an adorable way.

"Bree?"

Hand on the back door I stopped and turned around.

"It's good to see you again." His smile dimmed then he was out the door.

Explaining to my new friends that I hated to cut tonight short, but an old friend had dropped by and we had a lot of catching up to do. Desi being the observant one caught the subtle look on my face and asked the dreaded 'Cas or Sam' question. Upon hearing Sam's name, Jess as dramatic as ever insisted they must meet him as she'd never met a hero before. We all laughed at that, I laughed because they didn't know he'd saved them also. At the door I promised to grill out tomorrow night and they could meet him. Hugs all around I watched as they crossed the street before heading back inside.

Hearing the shower running upstairs I snagged a bag of huge marshmallows from the pantry, refilled my glass of water and took a seat by the fire pit. I shut my eyes and breathed in the cool night air, the woodsy smell of the fire nearly lulling me to sleep. The sliding glass door closed with a slight whoosh as Sam stepped out freshly showered. Afraid to open my eyes for fear that this day would all prove to be nothing more than a misty concoction my brain had came up with, I opted to keep them shut for now.

"Nice place. You were right, I love it and I'm happy for you Bree." The warmth in his voice made me smile.

A cold wet nosed pressed itself against my hand startling me as my eyes opened in a flash. A black German shepherd cocked its head sideways at me before resting its head on my arm.

"That's Maximus, he's yours. I thought you could use the company." The dogs ears flicked at hearing his name, but his golden eyes stayed on me. Scratching behind one of his ears he awarded me with a puppy smile, or so I told myself.

"He's a retired K-9, shot on the job a few months back. I worked with him some and he's now also a trained hunter, kind of. He knows the smell of sulfur and will let you know if you're in trouble. If the hair on the back of his neck ever stands up call me, night or day."

"Am I in danger?"

"Not that I know of, I just want to make sure you're safe here by yourself."

"Guess now I'm going to have to run to the store and get supplies for this fella."

"Already taken care of. I didn't know where to put it all so I left it by the kitchen island. Couple of bags of food, dishes, toys and his leash. He's micro chipped, but its very unlikely he'll run away."

"Thank you Sam. I love him."

Throwing a stick in his lap I ripped open the bag of marshmallows sticking two on my own little stick. Holding them over the fire until they were as black as charcoal I pondered over what to say.

"How's your brother?"

"Alright I guess."

Plucking the top burnt marshmallow from my stuck I popped it in my mouth, mostly because I didn't know how to respond. If he didn't know how his own brother was that could only mean he hadn't talked to him, and if he hadn't talked to Dean he definitely hadn't paid Bobby a visit. So why hadn't he? Why had he come here?

"I checked in on Dean, and he's trying to have a normal life with Lisa and Ben. I need to give him time. I don't want to pop in on him and have him think we all have to go back to hunting."

"And you don't think if Castiel or another angel sees you they won't go and blow the whistle?"

"Guess I hadn't thought it through. Are you expecting Cas?"

I laughed about choking on my second marshmallow. "Hardly."

"Don't you have a million questions you want to ask me?"

"You're here and you're okay. That's good enough for now. The rest you'll either tell me when you're ready or you won't."

"Thanks." he said leaning over and squeezing my arm. He looked at my second pair of charcoal twins and grimaced. "How can you stand to eat 'em like that?"

"Burnt is all the rage now, didn't ya know?" I looked over at his barely browned triplets. "C'mon, you gotta try it at least once!" Prying the sticky mess from the top of my stick I held it out to him.

He wrinkled his nose at me.

Shrugging I tossed it up in the air and caught it with my teeth. Holding one hand over my mouth I mumbled through the stickiness, "See, it won't kill ya."

Seeing that I wasn't going to break him that easy I got up and took a seat in his lap. His eyebrows arched as high as they could, he knew I had him beat now! Slowly pulling the last of my crispies off the stick I held it in front of his mouth. When he still wouldn't open up I went nose to nose, trying my best evil eye glare. Admitting defeat he opened up and not wasting my chance I pushed my burnt 'mellow in.

"See, that wasn't so bad now." I got up and whistled for Maximus to come inside. "I'm glad you're here Sam."


	12. 12

The next few days flew by in a blur. The backyard barbeque went without a hitch and Sam won my friends over as easily as he had me. He was the kind of guy that when you're in high school you actually _aren't_ afraid to bring home to meet mom and dad. In spite of how cheery things appeared I could feel the falseness of it all. Sam hadn't breathed a word about where he'd been, and we both steered clear of the subject of Cas. That night was the first since Sam had showed up that I wound up crying myself to sleep once again. Sam spent his days at the construction site, earning money the honest way for a change as he put it. After filling all the positions I found myself spending the days at the park reading, or people watching. It felt as though I was holding my breath waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Max was curled up on the floor at the foot of my bed as I sat at the edge of my bed staring out the window. Sam knocked softly on my open door and I swiped away the tears on my cheeks.

"Hey."

I tried to force a smile but found I couldn't. Turning away from the window I fluffed a pillow up against the headboard and rested my back against it. Sam sat at the opposite side of the bed facing me as I hugged my knees to my chest. The pain inside was unbearable tonight. Perhaps it always had been, and I felt so selfish knowing whatever I was suffering was nothing in comparison to what Sam had went through.

"I'm sorry. I can't begin to imagine what you've been through and here I am crying over a broken heart."

"You don't need to apologize. I've been there too. You miss him?"

Tears running down my cheeks all I managed was a weak nod. He scooted closer and took my hand in his.

"We've sorta just been avoiding all this huh? Guess we're both a little like my brother."

I laughed at just how true that was, and knew he was missing Dean as much as I missed Cas.

"Wanna talk about it?"

I shrugged. "Not much to say really. Someone gave him a can of Red Bull and he was gone. He chose that over staying here… with me. Sorta stupid on my part really, pretending it could end any different."

I noticed how tiny my hand was in his as his callused thumb massaged the back of the my hand. Soft ticking of the clock at the bedside could be heard while I waited for him to say something. Minutes ticked by like a ghost. When he rose to leave I stopped him.

"Stay…I don't need you to tell me what happened to see you're broken like me."

That night we fell asleep atop the covers facing each other. My hand in his.

Over the next couple of months things were as normal as they could be. We'd stopped acting as though life was just peachy, at least when it was just the two of us. He still hadn't spoken a word about what had happened, and by now I knew he either wouldn't or couldn't. He needed his brother, and I hoped he'd talk to him soon. If he could talk to anyone about what had happened it would be Dean, after all he'd been to the pit himself.

I had started work at Carly's and found getting back to something I loved was therapeutic. By the time we both returned home we were exhausted. We'd eat over small talk, sometimes squeeze in time for a little tv before bed. He hadn't slept in his room since that night two weeks ago, it had become a habit. Two wounded souls seeking solace in one another, hoping to somehow help the other heal.

That night Max stood whining at the back door, thinking he was ready for his nightly run about the yard I opened the door to let him out. When he wouldn't budge from my side I talked soothingly to him, thinking an animal or something he'd heard had him spooked. When that didn't work I went out and peered into the backyard. Not finding anything out of place I left the door slightly ajar and looked up at the night sky.

"Hi."

Recognizing the voice instantly my eyes searched the darkness. Taking a few steps out of the shadows of the trees I finally saw him.

"You might want to rethink that whole sneaking up on people. I'd hate for you to loose your wings by giving someone a heart attack."

At the sound of my voice Max had came out and stood guard beside me.

"What are you doing here?"

"Making sure you were safe."

"Well you've done your _duty_ so you can go now. As you can see I don't need a babysitter." I patted Max's head proving my point.

"Looks like you already have more than enough." he said looking from Maximus to me.

"Castiel." Sam said putting his arm around my shoulder, joining us. Max looked from man to angel, then back to me questioningly.

"Sam." Castiel said returning his cold greeting.

"Give us a minute here Sam?" He pursed his lips angrily and returned to the house, Max at his side.

"You're going to fly off and tell Dean now aren't you?"

"Why would I do that when this is the life he wished for?"

"That's rich, really. That's like saying I wished for a life without you. So unless your memory is as shot as your feelings I'd say you're full of it."

"I didn't forget." he said, his voice almost inaudible.

A bitter laugh escaped my lips. "You made your choice Castiel."

I turned to leave and about plowed him over when he pulled one of his little magic shows. My blood pressure reaching its peak I could almost feel the steam coming out of my ears.

"I didn't have a choice." His words caught me off guard, and I felt the anger draining away.

"Looks like you're the one who forgot, not me."

"What in the world are you talking about?"

He looked towards the house.

_Sam?_

_He didn't seriously think…_

"You know what they say about assuming things."

Tilting his head in confusion reminded me some human terms were lost on him. That happened to be one of them.

"I assume he thought the same or he wouldn't have just left."

Looking back at the house it didn't look any different, not that I really expected it to.

"Sam wouldn't just leave like that…"

And just like that he was gone. At sight of a sheet of paper laying atop the kitchen table I knew Castiel was right and Sam had left. Folding the paper in half I went up to my room and sat cross-legged atop my bed. Turning the paper in circles I tried imagining the possible reasons for his departure. Maybe it was just that he was in a hurry to go pay his brother a visit before Castiel did. Not that driving, even over the speed limit, would get him there faster. Unfolding the paper I began to read.

_Bree -_

_I'm sorry that this is the way you have to find out & I'm sorry for leaving this way. I could say I'm on my way to see Dean, but that'd be lying & I don't want to lie to you. I know Cas isn't going to tell him or Bobby, I know you're probably wondering how I know & if I could tell you I would. _

_You called yourself a fool for loving an angel. If that's true then I guess the same can be said about me loving you when you still aren't over Cas. I don't hold any bad feelings against you for that as crazy as that might sound. When I lost Jess it was final & after time I got closure, you're left with the unknown. With things up in the air & him being able to just pop in whenever he feels like it you may never get over him. Maybe you don't want to. As your friend I understand, really I do. I just wanted you to know you have another option, me. I know you didn't see me that way before, but now that I've put it out there at least you know & can consider it. _

_I'll check in to make sure you're okay from time to time & if any trouble comes your way you can always call. Just know that I'm not leaving you in the sense which Cas did. For what it's worth I think he's an idiot who chose wrong & if you chose me I'd never leave you. I'm leaving because I don't want to be a stress in your life when that's the last thing you need right now. - S.W._


	13. 13

Standing on the sidewalk I watched Desi fumble with her keys. As the door closed behind her a low rumble could be heard approaching. Max sat at my side, his body rigid, wary of the newcomer. The Impala pulled to the curb in front of us, engine idling a moment before the night was once again quiet. Scratching between Max's ears I let him know it was alright.

"Hey stranger."

He still looked the same as he always had, I guess I had expected life with Lisa to change him somehow.

"Hey now, that hurts." He said wrapping me in an _actual_ hug.

_Okay, so maybe his new life had changed him after all._

"That's from Bobby."

_Or maybe not..._

Once inside he grabbed my hands holding me at arms length.

"You look great, that whole glowing thing really suits you."

My face fell flat as I tried to gain control of the myriad of emotions coursing through me. Maybe he didn't mean what most people did when they said that. After all he couldn't know, I hadn't told anyone. But the look on his face begged to differ. The room around me spinning I was lucky to make it to the loveseat without incident. Dean had followed taking a seat in the recliner across from me. Max lay on the floor between us, still keeping an eye on Dean.

He nodded in approval as he took in the house, or as much of it as he could from his vantage point. "Congratulations. Guess I'm gonna be an uncle."

"Dean, I haven't told anyone..."

"Seriously?" Seeing by my face that I was in fact not joking he dropped his smile. "Sonofa.."

"So how did you know?" I asked cutting him off.

"Sam."

_So Sam had paid his brother a visit. _

_Still didn't explain how he knew. _

Over the next hour or so Dean filled me in on Sam showing up in the middle of the night. That Lucifer had known, after he'd tried killing me that is. But what had us both puzzled was why my being pregnant had stopped him, and what that could mean for my baby. I pulled a folded up piece of paper from under the stack of magazines on the coffee table and handed it over to Dean. By now I had that letter memorized word for word. Sam's ultimatum. He reread it himself a few times before the implications finally took root.

Setting the paper aside he looked to me for further confirmation. "So does that mean..."

My lack of response was all the answer he needed. An awkward silence came between us as I let that sink in.

Dragging a pair of old sneakers out of the hall closet Max's tail was already wagging at full speed.

"You can crash here tonight if you want."

"Thanks, but I think I better get home."

"There's apple pie in the fridge if you want some. I'm gonna take Max for a run."

He grunted something I couldn't make out his head already searching for his beloved pie.

"Lock up when you go. And Dean, don't be such a stranger eh?"

I rested my hand protectively over my stomach, wondering what this world held in store for the little one growing inside of me. Almost at three months along and the slightest bump was just starting to show. After the doctor had confirmed it I'd started wearing shirts that were a bit looser and no one had been the wiser. I had planned on waiting until after my next check-up to let my girlfriends know, but now that the cat was out of the bag it didn't seem to matter. Max ran ahead of me and we jogged a few blocks before I pulled my cell out of my pocket.

_We need to talk ASAP._

Hitting send I sent Sam the text, pocketed my cell and jogged until I was out of steam. Slowly I retraced our steps home thinking what the next step was going to be. Not just for me, but for my baby. Was I going to need to be on guard for demons coming after us? Hiding wouldn't help, but if they were coming I wanted to be prepared. But if this baby had made Lucifer halt in his steps would the angels also be a problem?

Returning home at a slower pace Max let out a bark in greeting and raced to the front steps where Sam sat waiting. I walked past him and unlocked the front door.

"You just missed your brother."

"Oh."

Kicking my shoes off I grabbed a bottled water and made my way into the living room.

"Ohhh..." Sam said putting two and two together. The urgent message after a visit from his brother becoming clear.

"It's okay, really. That's not why I thought we needed to talk, at least not the main reason."

His shoulders still tense he took a seat where not long ago his brother had been sitting.

"This whole us avoiding each other isn't working for me. I understand how you think you feel, but given time I know you'll see it was just born from us hanging onto each other to keep from drowning in our personal grief and misery."

"I shouldn't have made it sound like an ultimatum, I remember hating my dad for doing that to me. You don't have to say anything, you deserve better than me Bree."

"How you can even say that is beyond me. You're an amazing guy Sam. More than amazing, just I really can't think of a word that describes how selfless you are. You're my best friend, and I love you..."

I took a deep breath letting it out in a loud sigh.

"But..."

_There was always a but wasn't there?_

"But you deserve more than being someone's second choice. Someone who will love you beyond the normal limitations of life and death, just because _somewhere_ you exist. Someone who knows that deep down in their heart you are their last and only love."

"You mean the way you love Cas?"

The depth of emotion in his eyes made it hard for me to look away. "Yeah..."

Passing a slip of paper over to him I waited while he looked it over. All that was written on it was a name and phone number.

"How did you get this?"

"Your brother. Sarah's waiting for your call. Sleep on it or whatever you need to do."

He looked from the slip of paper to me as if asking me what the right thing to do was.

I rested my hand on my barely there baby bump while pushing myself up off the couch.

"I need my friend back. We both do."

Making my way up the stairs slowly I hoped he would decide to stay the night, even if it was on the couch downstairs. Just knowing he was there made me feel safe despite my fears for the baby. I paused with my hand on the banister.

"For what its worth I would've been happy with you. I'm sorry Sam..."

I continued up the steps not aware of the tears that shone in his eyes. I hadn't lied to him, I did need him. No matter what happened it just felt right having him in my life. As I was drifting off to sleep I prayed he felt the same way. Especially considering what I was going to ask of him...


	14. 14

**A/N: I apologize for how long it has taken me to update. I'd like to say as it is summer here it was a vacation thing, but unfortunately we lost a friend + have been spending a lot of time with another friend who is losing the battle to cancer. **

**Thank you for your understanding + patience :]**

The following months were filled with both excitement and trepidation. Once the girls got the good news they planned a baby shower, no frills forgotten. Sam having made himself a semi-permanent houseguest, found himself overwhelmed with all the congratulations he could handle. While everyone around us was in a happy frenzy for the impending day I kept on my happy face. Behind closed doors was a completely different story. It wasn't about not being excited to meet my little one, but more about the worry and stress of a possible demon attack. That part Sam knew about, what he didn't know was how losing Kat had heightened my fears something would happen to this baby.

Samantha Jo made her arrival into the big unknown in the wee hours of the morning after a very tiring delivery. I rested off and on throughout the day, and at Sam's insistence the nurses agreed to let me keep my daughter in my room. After her one am feeding she promptly fell right back to sleep in my arms. I glanced at Sam who was also asleep in the chair at my bedside and put on my robe, carefully tucking it under my arm in which little Sammy slept. Quietly shutting the door behind me I made my way to the hospital chapel, taking a seat near the front. At this hour the chapel was empty except for the two of us. It must have been all the hormones making me all emotional. I thought it was more from recalling the events of the last day I'd spoken to Castiel. The day I'd chosen myself and this little girl over any man, though it was clear both guys thought I had chosen the other...

"Cas...are you there?" I whispered into the darkened chapel hoping to summon him from whatever corner of the world or heavens he happened to be in now.

Apart from all the nurses and doctors Sam had been the only other person to see Samantha. By the time she'd made her appearance visiting hours were over and Sam had agreed to hold off on calling everyone and unleashing the flood of visitors until the morning.

"She's beautiful." Castiel said appearing out of thin air at our side.

Turning I smiled at him in thanks, my heart hammering away as it always did when he was near. Only this time it was more the things he didn't know.

"Would you like to hold her?"

"I don't know, I wouldn't know how..."

His awkwardness right now I simply found endearing. Helping him get his arms in the right position I passed Samantha over, grateful she was still sleeping.

"You're a natural." My voice cracked as emotion overcame me at the sight of them.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, you know just the usual emotional rollercoaster for having a baby."

I didn't have to worry if he bought that line or not, although it wasn't _exactly_ a lie, his attention was solely on the little bundle in his arms. For nearly an hour we sat quietly side by side.

"Is Dean here?"

"No. He doesn't know yet, we're waiting until morning to tell everyone."

"And Sam?"

"He's upstairs in the room."

He nodded letting out a pained sigh. Samantha yawned and rubbed at her eyes before opening them and staring directly at Cas's face. I was thankful that the darkness shadowed her face just enough...

"He moved into the house actually."

In the shadows I could just make out the disapproval that flashed across his face.

"He did it for her Cas. There's something you don't know, but I need you to promise you won't say anything to anyone."

He looked at me curiously a moment considering. "Okay, I promise."

"At the cemetery... after Lucifer had killed you and Bobby, he tried killing me. Sam said he couldn't because of her."

"Does that mean..."

"We don't know what it means, but that's why Sam moved in. He expected the news to travel fast once Lucifer was back in his cage and demons or angels to pay a not so friendly visit."

He seemed to mull that over, but if he came to any conclusion he didn't say.

"He's coming." He said quickly placing Samantha back in my arms. Before I could ask who the chapel door shut with a dim thud. Sam made his way down the aisle obviously upset. I looked back to where Cas had been sitting to find him already gone.

"You shouldn't have left without letting me know where you were going. I've been looking for you for hours now."

"Sorry. We're fine though."

He waited for me to say more, but without knowing exactly how far Castiel had gone I didn't want to say too much. By the time we made it back to my room I decided it was best to not say anything at all.

Kicking his feet up on the windowsill Sam relaxed back into his chair, little Sammy curled up on his chest on the verge of sleep. Rolling over onto my back I stared at the ceiling tiles thinking.

__

If neither good or evil had come to kill Sammy before she was born what options did that leave?

Apart from that she may mean more to either side alive...

The only way anyone was getting their hands on Sammy was over my dead body.

"Sam?"

"Hmm?"

"If something happens to me I want you to take care of her for me, would you do that?"

"Of course, but nothings going to happen to you."

"You don't know that Sam. Maybe they want her alive, that means now we should be worried."

"I already thought about that too. When I was looking for you I called Bobby, he agreed to stay for as long as he's needed, and he's letting Dean know too."

"No. I can't let you all put your lives at risk for us."

"It's already a done deal. Besides if it weren't for us you wouldn't even be on their radar."

He may have been at least partly right, but it still didn't set well with me. If they really wanted her I was pretty certain a whole army couldn't stop them. They wouldn't stop until they got what they came for, even if that meant all of us died. Maybe we were both overreacting, but I didn't think ol' Luci was going to keep his pie hole shut. Especially if he had something to gain or lose, depending on what he planned on doing with her. Just thinking about it sickened me. Either way it couldn't end well, Lucifer and his demon army would bend and break her until she was as evil as he wanted. The angels... I could only imagine she'd be used as a weapon against the opposing team. Maybe some wouldn't see that as such a bad thing. To me all I saw was my little girl, who should be allowed to grow up in a normal little girls world. I was going to do everything I could to make sure that's exactly what she got.


	15. 15

The end of my three month maternity leave from Carly's was just about up, and life had went on normally. That is if you counted Dean as guard sleeping on the futon downstairs, Bobby in the spare room at the top of the stairs and Sam sleeping with a baby monitor in his room across the hall. All this time and no sign of an impending attack, the guys thought one of yellow eyes lackeys would wait until Sammy Jo was six months just like he had Sam and the other 'special' children all those years ago. I was just getting fed of up having to have a bodyguard whenever I went out with my daughter. Even thought about calling Castiel and asking him to do his angel mojo and mark both Sammy and my own ribs like he had the brothers. That would only mean a move, and how long would that last, a few weeks or months until they found us and we had to move again?

Tired of feeling like a trapped animal I slipped out of the house while the three men slept, backed the car out of the drive and headed to the coast. If they weren't coming to us, I was going to make them come to me. I knew this was quite possibly a suicide mission, but I had to do it. Either they came for Sammy in the dead of night, or it happened on my terms. Personally I preferred the later.

"Cas, I hope you're watching wherever you are. Boys may need to know where to find my body."

Step after step towards the rushing ocean my walk strong and steady I knew there were only two ways this could play out. They showed up and laughed in my face, or killed me. I didn't fear death, not knowing that there was life after this. At the same time guilty pangs wracked over me at the possibility that I may be leaving my little girl without a mother. Without me she'd still be in good hands, of that I was certain. Without me however, there was one secret that would never come to light...

At the waters edge I let out a raging scream. I'd been going more for the warrior, but it came out sounding more like just another mad woman who'd finally lost it. At least to my own ears.

"I know you're out there somewhere. I've felt you circling like rabid vultures for the past week, so come out. Lets have a little chat face to face shall we?"

When the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end and bile rose in the back of my throat I knew I was no longer alone.

"Pretty amateur move coming here alone Bree."

A cocky smile played across my lips as I turned to face them, it stayed there even when they blinked and I saw three pairs of pitch black eyes.

"I just wanted to let you in on a little secret. You can kill me, but its not going to work. Sure... maybe you'll eventually succeed in killing us all. Even get my daughter in your dirty little paws. But she will never be what you want her to be."

The two men laughed, the woman in between them elbowed them a stern look on her face.

"I can see you don't believe me. You don't have to, you will find out in time."

"I see I was wrong about you coming alone, trying to even the playing field boys?"

Glancing over my shoulder I spotted Sam approaching the Colt in one hand knife in the other. Out of the corner of my eye I saw that Castiel stood just feet from my other side. Once again facing the enemy I noticed the woman held a gun aimed over my left shoulder. Lowering it she pulled the trigger and I dove into the line of fire. The bullet ripped through the side of my chest, and by the time my knees hit the ground the demon trio had vanished. Falling forward, my hands in the sand I gasped for air as the excruciating fire radiated from my chest. Looking skyward Sam's face blurred in front of me, and then he pulled me into his arms.

"Take care of her Sam, you..." I sputtered coughing up blood, "promised."

Castiel kneeled beside us reaching his hand towards my forehead.

"No Cas."

"But its not your time!" he yelled angrily, his face showing more emotion than I'd ever witnessed from him.

Looking from one face to the other I saw their pain, and for that I felt both ashamed and guilty. Still I didn't regret my decision to come here tonight.

"Call an ambulance... if you must... no magic shows."

My teeth were chattering despite the fire that raged like a maddened bull in my chest. I was going to drown in my own blood, with every breath I took I felt my own life ebbing away. My vision was darkening around the edges and I knew that darkness was coming for me.

"You're going to die for him?" Castiel growled at the both of us.

"...for her... "

The last thing I saw was Castiel's pained expression as Sam was talking to a dispatcher on his cell.

I opened my eyes and blinked several times, disoriented by the familiar surroundings of my room in the cabin we'd bunkered down in what seemed like a lifetime ago.

"Morning sunshine! Before you ask, I'm Gabriel. I'm sure you're a bit confused and have questions but try to take it easy until you get your sea legs back alright?"

"Since you're an angel that must mean I'm dead, but this is heaven?"

"I see you've heard of me then, all good I hope? Mmm, not exactly. Think of it more like a waiting room, somewhere you felt at home. I picked it myself, not to brag or anything."

"So what happens now, how do I get back?"

"Nothing you can do from here but wait and see. Your body is in pretty rough shape kid."

He cringed as though he'd seen it, as I ran my hand over my side that _had_ been torn wide open. At least here that was gone along with the pain.

"Where's Cas?"

"Can't say other than unavailable."

Gabriel turned his head sharply and nodded to himself.

"Well alrighty then! Was nice chatting, but it looks like you're getting paged. Send the boys my regards."

With a snap of his fingers the darkness took me under again. Feeling like I was swimming in this sea of darkness I was surrounded by voices I recognized.

"She should've woken up by now."

__

Sam...

"Give her time for pete's sake, geez ya idjit."

__

Bobby...

Struggling to break the surface and let them know I was there. Then my body finally started cooperating with my brain and my eyes fluttered open at last!

"Welcome back." Dean said propping some pillows behind me and helping me sit up.

If my smile got any bigger I was afraid my face would crack, but there was something wrong with this picture. Looking from each of their faces I got a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach when I saw I was in my bedroom. And the pain... there wasn't any at all.

"Where's Sammy?"

"Across the hall. Don't worry someone's watching her, someone who can explain everything."

Sam nodded toward the doorway urging me to go on. I got to my feet slowly expecting to feel dizzy or lightheaded with all the traveling I'd done, but it didn't happen. I hurried to the doorway across the hall where my daughter lay in her crib, stopping dead in my tracks. Even with his back to me I knew who it was, said a lot especially considering he was sans trench coat.

Brushing past Castiel I gingerly lifted my little girl from her crib and held her tightly against my chest.

"Sorry, I just had to make sure he held up his end of the deal and you were okay."

"What deal?"

"I asked God to fix you, being human would be kind of pointless without you. He did, so I guess I should go now."

The full gamut of emotions coursed through me as his words took hold. He was at the foot of the stairs before I snapped back to reality.

"Cas wait..." I hurried down the stairs as fast I could without shaking Sammy.

As I stood in front of him catching my breath Sammy woke up all wide eyed like she knew what was happening around her.

"Do you remember me calling for you at the hospitals chapel?"

He nodded, but looked confused as to the point of my question.

"I thought her father should see her before we started calling people."

His look of confusion switched to doubt, then back again.

"Sam and I never..."

Dean cleared his throat loudly from the top of the stairs, a bit embarrassed I turned to find the three other men staring down at us. Sammy stretched her arms out to Cas then and I couldn't stop the tears from coming even if I'd wanted to. Behind me I heard the three guys descending the stairs.

Sam came down first. "Like she said, we never. Congrats man." He patted him on the shoulder then made room for his brother and Bobby to congratulate Cas in the same manly way.

"She has her Daddy's eyes."

As he kissed his daughters forehead I slipped my arm around him, knowing whatever may come we could handle together.

**A/N: I haven't decided whether or not to continue this story line further in a different story or not. (then again I may just use any freetime to revamp this story)I'm not really leaning towards it, mostly because I don't have an idea in the works, but also because despite the high number of readers each chapter has gotten the reviews are very low in number. I believe a writer writes for others to enjoy + even though I may personally like this one it seems the masses may not have felt the same. **

**To those of you who have left reviews thank you, the fact you took the time to say anything was kind + every writer loves feedback good or bad - the only way we can better ourselves :]**


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